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J.R. Buchanan

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June 26, 2015

Leaving the Nest Part II

I feel hurt. Hurt and angry.

About 3 months ago I wrote an entry titled Leaving the Nest. It was about my 18 year old daughter's decision to drop out of high school and leave us to move in with her bio-dad.

It didn't go well.

About 2 1/2 months after the move, she called and wanted to come back. It seems that they were physically abusing her, and she'd had enough. To make a long story short, we picked her up and brought her home, on the condition that she stay with us until she was ready to move into her own place. If she up and left to move in with someone else, she was not going to be coming back.

The next day she went out with her old boyfriend in the afternoon. After a while, they came back with some of his friends and she announced that she was leaving to move in with him and his family.

The very day after she had moved back in with us! Less than 24 hours...

We told her as she was leaving that we had meant it, she was not coming back.

The next day, after midnight (so it was technically the day after the next day), she called us and woke us up. She wanted to come back. We said, no, that we'd meant it, she was not coming back. After some arguments and crying, we got off the phone with her. She called back twice begging to come back and saying that they were hitting her and threatened to kill her. One of them got on the phone with my wife and admitted to this.

Well, we took her back again. Suckers.

All went well for a couple of weeks, and she said that she'd learned her lesson, that she'd live with us until we arranged a safe place of her own for her to live. We started getting her Medicaid set back up (bio-dad had let it lapse, despite her several serious medical conditions), we applied for disability for her (bio-dad had not applied for it when she was out of high school), and arranged for her to receive adult services from a local agency that helps people with disabilities. She was going to learn work skills, so that she could get a job.

Then last week, she announced that she was taking a trip to Florida with her bio-mom. We said no, but she insisted that she was 18, and she could go. We said that we would not pay for this, and she said that bio-mom was going to pay. Reluctantly we accepted that she was going to Florida for a week, but again we told her that if she moved out, she was not moving back in. We saw it coming.

Last Friday she picked a fight with her sister and announced that she was going to move in with bio-mom since her sister was so mean to her, and that bio-mom was coming to get her. We told her that she would not be coming back. She told us that we were not her parents, and that she wasn't talking to us. That hurt.

Later when bio-mom needed to arrange the meet up, she started talking again. After multiple times reading the phone number wrong, my wife said that she'd stop trying to call unless our daughter handed over the iPod so that she could read the phone number herself. When she looked at the message thread, she saw that the fight with her sister was actually planned, and that our daughter and her bio-mom's boyfriend had been plotting to do this for days.

So now she's back in the house that child services removed her from years ago.

She's really gone.

This time is different though. I do feel sad like the first time, but my overwhelming feeling is that of hurt, followed by anger. I feel that we've all been used, then discarded when we were no longer a convenient means of support.

This time we mean it, she's not moving back in with us. We might go so far as getting her settled in the women's shelter and arranging services for her if she moves back to town, we do love her, and feel that she's being used, but we're not going to be hurt again.

As usual, I'll post future updates to my Facebook and Twitter pages. Feel free to follow or friend or message me.


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